A Postpartum Nightmare Turned Lesson; The Time My Husband Destroyed My Breast Milk Stash.

Originally Journaled September 23, 2021

I’m sitting here after wiping my wet eyes, thinking

“Did this really just happen?”

I was in full mommy-work mode. I had a huge deadline to fulfill. It felt like everything I needed to do was taking longer than expected. Ain’t it annoying when that happens?!?

I’d hardly interacted with Mark (my husband) but it was only because I was so focused on my deadline. I communicated that I needed to get things done so my absence wouldn’t cause concern. It didn’t cause concern, it caused conflict. And when that combative, weird energy sneaks in – it’s usually not a cute story.

Our son Micah was only 3 months old and it was a struggle to get into a new normal. I had only taken breaks (and hardly that) to nurse him and use the restroom. I barely even ate or walked around. I was out of my usual work groove, so everything was feeling foreign and “slow”.

By hour #5, I’m frustrated. Sarai is losing her mind trying to get to me, and I wince every time I hear Micah cough. He was still fighting off a cold he’d had for a week. Then, the hunger cry starts, and if my focus wasn’t thrown off yet – it was now.

I thought “when can I just focus on one thing? I wish I could feel like I DON’T have to constantly multitask.”

Oh, and then this happened…

I finally email off my deliverables and head back into the kitchen. I wanted something sweet to eat. I go towards the freezer and I notice the frozen food isn’t so frozen. It’s more like 40% frozen. Then, my heart drops.

My milk stash.

I start touching the many bags of precious liquid gold and continue to sink as more of them are less and less frozen.

My breast milk…not just some of it, but all of it.

I bust into the bathroom where Mark is currently occupying. I yell at him saying “Did you know something was up with the freezer??” He says “Yeah, I found…” and I begin to not understand him. It’s like his voice just faded into babbling. I thought “Was he saying he KNEW the freezer wasn’t working and didn’t say anything or better yet – fix it?!?”

“I found it wasn’t working after I got home earlier”

He had been home by this point for over 6 hrs. At this point, I’m feeling just about ready to turn all the way UP on this man.

He’s now piling ice on top of my milk to save it. But that’s not what this post is really about.

When My Husband And I Aren’t On The Same Page, The System Malfunctions.

Messages don’t get delivered. Previsions aren’t made. Things like, because he’s irritated with me, he doesn’t think it’s worth talking to me about the freezer – and/or- I’m too busy working to be reached.

I worked so hard to pump that breast milk. SO HARD! Yes, I can produce more but I’ll never be able to recreate THAT milk from Micah’s during his first few weeks. I pumped like CRAZY and built up a stash I knew would allow me the freedom to leave Micah for a couple days here and there, knowing he’d be well fed. That milk was the most nutritious I’ll ever make for him.

And because Mark & I weren’t on the same page, I almost lost it. All of it. The breast milk itself, the future moments of freedom, my peace, and oneness with my husband.

See, Mark has a limit. He will allow me to push it pretty far when he knows I’m really into whatever I’m doing. But then, if I’m not paying attention, he starts to feel forgotten. He feels uncared for. Neglected. Yes, I can feel all the ways to feel about that and even justify my actions. But the truth is, I should have taken time for my husband, before the freezer broke. Even on a day where a huge deadline was approaching, making sure my husband felt loved had to be a priority. That day, I missed the target.

I had to realize that discerning the spiritual and emotional state of my husband on a daily basis was a critical part of my role as a wife. Yes, work pays the bills but if I make it a habit to put him second, third, or even fourth if you count a newborn + a toddler, then our marriage will suffer greatly. I had to start doing things differently.

So yes, My husband ruined my milk stash. But it also was a wake up call. Was the breast milk the most important thing? Or was it a call to remember that before anything else, I’m a daughter of the Most High, and rib to Mark Z. Godbolt. If that order is intact – everything else, works.

Delete Your “New Year New You” Plan; A Spiritual HIIT Workout Is Calling You

Delete Your “New Year New You” Plan; A Spiritual HIIT Workout Is Calling You

 

Did God Tell You To Start A New Fitness Routine?

What if He’s actually calling you to work on yourself – not in the physical manner – but spiritually? Why can’t you stick to the work out plan? You’re not just lazy. You’re blocked. Why?

Sometimes – especially at the start of a new year or after having a baby, we can feel this pressure to “improve” or “bounce back”. It’s like, there’s always pressure to be your thinnest, most attractive, most focused – at all times. Yet, I feel like I found myself not being able to ever rise to the occasion when it came to this version of #selfimprovement.

Then a new year comes along and somehow that’s supposed to be enough motivation to get me “on track” LOL HA. I think I tricked myself for more new years’ than I’d like to admit that I’d actually do something different. Oh, and after having the babies?! Yeah, that pressure came even harder and I felt even worse when I just couldn’t miraculously become this super fit woman.

Is Your Body Tight Right Now?

I mean that for real. Do you feel tense and tightened up in your body right now? Take a moment to mentally loosen and relax. Let’s continue!

Why Can’t I Just Be What I Want To Be?

“For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”

Galatians 5:17

Sis, let’s back up real quick. Why do you want to be the super fit/slim waist, thick thighed mama? The calling to a “better you” is real – but maybe we’ve been looking at it from the wrong perspective. Just because we can physically see, touch, and feel our physical bodies, doesn’t mean that’s the “body” we’re called to work on in this season. What about your #spiritual body?

When was the last time you did a HIIT workout for your spirit?

OR better yet, can you acknowledge when the Holy Spirit has been placing you into a HIIT workout?

(“Jade, girl what?!” LOL stick with me!) I’m talking about high-intensity interval training of your spiritual body. Just like a physical HIIT workout plan, there are short periods of intense exercise alternated with longer recovery periods. A spiritual high intensity exercise could be an argument with your husband. When things are getting heated and you are called to reach and exercise fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Yes, when that man is talking crazy to you and you could say a whole lot – how do you perform? It’s the practice of #selfcontrol that actually builds up the strength of your spiritual body, not the clap back.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”

Galatians 5:22-23

The longer recovery period is the few days after the conflict when you’re driving in traffic and instead of huffin’ and puffin’ about it – you choose to take a moment to worship. Instead of seeing the traffic as an obstacle impeding your route, you take it as an opportunity to quiet your mind and rejoice in who God is. Remembering the things that He’s done and focusing on who God is.

It’s The Small Daily Habits That Make Us Who We Are.

Journal Prompt

What does your spiritual workout plan look like? Not the one you put yourself through, but the one He’s been putting you through?

  1. What was the last “High-Intensity” Workout God Allowed You To Go Through? How’d You Do?
  2. What was the last “low-intensity” Workout God Allowed You To Go Through? How’d You Do?
  3. What are you feeding your spiritual body in order to get through those workouts?

We are our habits, good and bad. Meditate on your answers from above and sit with God for a moment. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up so you can clearly hear the Holy Spirit’s response.